Question: I don’t think that listening to rap music is good for people’s minds. Should I try to convince my friend not to listen to it?

Answer: We certainly understand your concerns about the potential negative impact of rap music on your friend. There are others that share your concerns—not so much over the concept of rap, but the lyrics. Some rappers advocate violence, rape, murder and sexual misconduct. Combine sound and beat with these type of words, and mentally damaging ideas become deeply embedded into the mind.

Realize, however, that confronting people about their choice of music can be difficult and controversial. You may appear meddlesome or self-righteous. Yet, that does not mean you should not try in some instances.

But first, examine your own music choices. Our example always speaks louder than our words. All forms of modern music-opera, rock, jazz, country or any other-can have their positive or negative effects on people. Some forms of classical music could have as much negative effect on the mind as rap. Some country music lyrics are as morally damaging and sexually explicit as rap. If your friend has problems because of rap-make sure you don’t have problems due to some other form of music.

When you speak to your friend, be sure that your concern for him shines through your words. Never put him down or condemn him. Show him how listening to rap is negatively affecting his mental outlook and attitudes. Show where he could be headed if he continues to fill his mind with wrong ideas. You might look for sources that prove how some rap music has led teens to commit criminal acts. There is ample proof.

Ask your friend why he is attracted to rap. In other words, get to know your friend and his thinking better. All people want to be understood. Maybe the music he listens to somehow fills a void or a longing in his life. The lack of being understood could be that void or need. Asking questions out of deep concern and patiently listening to the answers proves your willingness to come to a greater understanding of him.

Once you fully understand your friend’s thinking, then recommend a positive alternative. You may want to invite him to your home to listen to some music you recommend. Solid friendships are built on similar interests.

If your friend rejects your ideas, don’t become disheartened. Sometimes people’s initial reaction to the kind of talk you are contemplating is to brush it aside. No one likes to admit being wrong. Let some time pass after your talk. It will not be long until you know if you have had an effect on your friend. The risk is, you may lose your friend. This would be truly sad, but you would have the peace of mind that you did your best to help him. On the positive side, you may really help your friend and spare him some real trouble. If this happens, you will become even better friends.