Question: I have lots of friends and enjoy being with them. When I’m around them, I feel natural and not nervous or scared. My problem is that when I’m introduced to new people, especially adults in a crowd, I get uptight and appear withdrawn and cold.

Answer: There’s an interesting place in all our lives that many of us spend far too much time relaxing in. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called our comfort zone!

Whether our zone is square, round or trapezoidal, one thing is for sure, it most likely is holding us back from really living.

There are two main reasons why you are reacting the way you are. Herbert W. Armstrong discussed these points in his book Mystery of the Ages: “Two requisites make a human whatever he becomes in life: heredity and environment. Heredity involves what has been inherited by birth in such areas as health, intelligence and character tendencies. Environment includes all external influences and self-determined motivations—whether good or evil.”

He explained that each of these factors can be altered if they didn’t start out so well: “An inspiring environment, uplifting influences and right self-motivation may further improvement. Such environment may turn one of inferior heredity into a real success in life.” If you were born with a natural shyness around adults, then follow Mr. Armstrong’s advice. Create an inspiring environment that encourages growth in this area. Read up on the subject of overcoming self-consciousness, shyness and the like.

The first book I’d recommend researching is the Bible. When it comes down to it, this tendency, habit, personality trait is more correctly labeled fear. The Bible says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).

Here’s a practical tip: Give more than “yes/no” answers. When a new acquaintance and/or an adult asks you a question such as, “So, are you looking forward to summer break?”—give them more than a simple, plain Jane “Yes.” Elaborate, give detail, share with them part of your life. This is how connections form among people. This is how we find common ground and begin to relate to someone new.

Go ahead—give it a try! Pry your fingers away from your trapezoidal door jam and step out of your comfort zone and into the wide open spaces of relationship building.