Question: I am a 17-year-old male. My brother always argues with me and we can’t agree on anything. Sometimes we actually get in fights. He always wins. How can we get along without fighting?

Answer: Fighting among brothers is nothing new. The Bible records for us several
histories of brothers that did not get along: Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau,
Joseph and his brothers. Girls are not exempt from this problem; sisters
also often fight with sisters. The Bible also records the fighting between
two very famous sisters―Leah and Rachel.

To get along with your brother, examine yourself and come to understand why
you both are having problems. The Bible does teach us the root cause of all
fighting: “From whence come wars and fightings among you? Come they not
hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not:
ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war; yet ye
have not, because ye ask not” (James 4:1-2). We fight with others because of
our own lusts. Lust is simply an intense desire for something―generally
something someone else has. Lust can also express itself as jealousy, envy
or greed.

Ask yourself: Are you envious of something that is your brother’s? God
promises to provide all of our needs, if we ask Him in faith (Matthew
6:8)―there is no need to be jealous of anyone’s talents or qualities or
things. Learn the lesson that James teaches. Often we have not because we
ask not! Could your problems with your brother exist because you are not
close enough to God in prayer? Maybe you should learn to trust God more to
see to your needs.

Beware of getting into a bitter attitude against your brother, even if he
irritates and angers you. The truth is we are our brother’s keeper. Do you
love your brother? Do you show him that you want to look out for him? Do you
let him know you want to be his friend?

Take the courageous step: Go to your brother and ask him what you can do to
improve your relationship. Listen to what he says and make any necessary
changes. You could also suggest doing a hobby or playing a sport together.
Work together to earn some money. Surprise your brother some day by doing
something good for him.

If you do these things, your relationship with him should improve. If it
doesn’t and you’ve done everything you can, be sure that you will receive
some extra blessing from God for doing your part.