Question: I tend to have a quick temper. How do I keep from hurting my friend when I get mad at him?

Answer: It’s easy to lose your cool when someone upsets you. If a friend makes a cruel remark toward you or treats you unfairly, the natural reaction is to retaliate in some way.

If we allow our temper to fester, or we hold a grudge, it could turn into hatred for the other person. This would be breaking the spirit of the Sixth Commandment (Matthew 5:21-22). None of these responses would do anything but hurt both you and your friend.

First, remember that your goal should not be to prove that you are correct. It should not be to prove your friend wrong. It should not be to see to it that you are treated fairly in the future. If these are your goals, you will be unsuccessful in dealing with your anger. You must have a goal of getting rid of your angry emotions and improving your relationship with your friend.

Don’t allow yourself to act or speak before you think. Remember to stay in control of your emotions. Begin talking to your friend calmly and rationally. Let him know what he has done that has hurt you and angered you.

Name-calling and insults will only worsen the problem. Express to him how you feel and try to build upon the characteristics that made you both friends in the first place. This will require tact and self-control on your part. Ask God to help you to grow in these character traits.

Even if your friend started the problem and is completely wrong, you must swallow your pride and be willing to forgive. Try to look at things from his point of view. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and don’t judge him too harshly. Follow God’s example of being slow to anger (Nehemiah 9:17) and willing to forgive (1 John 1:9).