posted by Adar Kielczewski

Two fondue pots—one chocolate, one cheese—strawberries, pound cake, sourdough bread and meatballs were on the table. Ten of us sat around the food, each with our own copy of the night’s topic of discussion—Man of Steel and Velvet. For us six girls it was our second book club meeting. But a week ago we opened the door and invited two men and one married couple.

The idea was pretty simple—to have a book club and invite guests of the opposite sex and at a different stage in life. It went great! Sometimes it’s far too easy to get caught up in your own viewpoint. It’s easy to think you’re right on when really you’re still thinking in the same little bubble you always do. Meaning, you may think you’re considering all the possibilities, but that may be quite impossible without another perspective.

For instance, one of the men read a quote from the book about how women are more concerned with the confidence of their leader than the outcome of the decision. He then asked the women if it was really true to which all the single women replied heartily, “yeah!” The wife in the group chimed in, though, that when it’s something really serious, like concerning your children, you’re far more concerned with the outcome of the decision. Then all of us who are single were able to think about it from that perspective.

Other topics that came up were a man’s wounded pride when criticized about his masculinity, whether perishable gifts for girls like flowers were really valued by girls (they are, especially when it’s spontaneous and unexpected) and the traits in men to be admired (aggressiveness, determination, decisiveness and independence).

We all agreed on a couple of things. For one, there is an increasing lack of real, strong, balanced men who have both velvet and steel qualities, but the need is no less. The book said women are crying out for strong leaders who just aren’t there, which is why there has been such a rise in feminism.

Just what is that real man, that man of steel and velvet? “The ideal man has the strength, endurance and temperance of fine steel,” Aubrey Andelin wrote. At the same time that man must strive to have the velvet qualities of “gentleness, … tenderness, kindness, generosity, and patience.”

Another thing we agreed on was when one understands one’s own role (whether feminine or masculine), it is much easier to appreciate and admire the other role.

It was a great night and I learned/was reminded of two things: seek out others’ viewpoints and perspectives (from books and conversations), and reading/developing your mind makes conversation far more interesting and uplifting!