From the archives: True Education, Fall 2000

By Ron Fraser

Some people never grow up. It’s possible for someone 45 years old to still be adolescent in mood, thinking and outlook. In many other instances, youths become thoroughly responsible by age 18, with the ability to act independently, making decisions that some people twice their age would shy away from.

Why this difference?

Well, it all comes down to the way that our mind was shaped and influenced through childhood, even going back to the time of our conception and development within the womb of our mother.

The great difference between animal and human is what we call the mind. Animals are driven by instinct. Their brains are pre-programmed to act and react in a certain way. Sure, they can be taught to modify their behavior in certain limited fashions, particularly by animal trainers.

But you are not an animal! You have a mind. You have thinking and reasoning powers, creative powers, the ability to judge a situation, weigh up the alternatives and make a choice as to which course you will take. Then, when you follow that course of action, you have the ability to learn from experience—to modify your behavior based on what you find pleasant and rewarding and what you don’t.

It is the way we use this mind power that determines how soon and to what extent we become responsible and reliable citizens of society.

Now, I’m a grandfather. “So,” you say, “what can I learn from this old fogey? I’m from a different age—the digital age, man! The age of virtual reality! What can you teach me?”

Well, yes, perhaps I’m an “old fogey,” but the fact is, one day you will be too! It’s just that at your age it hardly enters your mind. Grandparenthood seems an eternity away from teen age. But the fact remains, once you crack 20 years of age, those little cells that kept on increasing, helping you grow into an adult, will begin to undergo a reversal—and more of them will begin to die each day. That’s the process we call aging—and would you believe it starts as soon as you’re out of your teen years? So—better get used to it. You are growing up to grow old!

You think the teen years are great—full of fun and excitement? Wait till you turn 50—it gets even more fun, even more exciting—IF!—if you’ve learned early how to handle life in a responsible way, growing and maturing through, and profiting from, each day’s package of experiences.

The average person will see five generations within his or her lifetime—their own grandparents, their parents, themselves, their own children and their children’s children. That means the average person will observe and experience three generations of teens in their own family within a lifetime: your teen years, the teen years of your children, then the teen years of your grandchildren.

I left my teen years behind 40 years ago, but I still have the strongest of memories of those years, and I still live the results of the ways my personality and behavior was modified by the experiences of those years.

That’s why where we went to school was so important when we were looking for a job: because it was once recognized that good schooling in a morally uplifting, positive, healthy environment produced good, responsible citizens. Certain schools and colleges gained reputations for producing responsible, reliable, employable young people.

But I’m also old enough to have raised three teens to adulthood, with the devoted support of my wife of 35 years. I observed them daily—saw the mood swings which I’d gone through myself as a teen, and so understood what was going on in their lives. I saw two boys become two young men and I saw a golden-haired little girl grow up into a lovely young woman. My wife and I felt their pain, laughed with their fun, sympathized with them in failure and rejoiced with them in success—and we did not do it all right. We had our human reactions as very human parents. But, we had a determination to help mold those three teens into responsible, reliable, employable members of society.

Now they each are married with their own children, and, in a couple of years, we shall begin our third family experience in guiding another group of teens in our family from the fun and fantasy of adolescence to the sobering threshold of responsible adulthood.

What have I, just one parent, just one grandparent, learned from all this that can help you? Well, simply, I’ve learned a fair bit on how to do it—and how not to do it! How to guarantee rearing well-balanced, responsible, mature, employable adults beyond the years of infancy, childhood and adolescence, and what to avoid in the process.

And guess what? There’s no secret in all of this. It simply has to do with realizing that there are living laws which govern human behavior, human relations and interaction—laws which if obeyed, if submitted to, yield magnificent, breathtakingly wonderful, joyful results. Laws, which if disobeyed, if rebelled against and resisted, yield a grief, sadness, pain and suffering which reaches out beyond you to deeply affect those whom you love, and even beyond to affect and impact the society in which you live.

Let’s briefly have a look at this thing called responsibility. Mature, successful adults all possess it. Every successful leader in society has it as part of his or her character. Employers place high value on it. If you want to make a true success of your life, you’ll simply have to develop it. The dictionary defines responsibility as “the ability to act independently and make decisions; authority.”

Now, that’s very interesting. With adulthood comes independence. With independence from those who once were responsible for us—our parents—comes the opportunity to finally make our own decisions. But, will you be ready for it? It depends on your present way of reacting under those responsible for you—parents, grandparents, teachers, guardians.

Note that within the definition of responsibility is authority. All of us have, from infancy to adulthood, had to be subject to authority. You would never have made it to teen age had someone not taken the responsibility to feed, dress and shelter you, and teach you how to eat, when to sleep, how to clothe yourself, even how to walk! The degree to which we accepted that authority over us largely determined how quickly we learned what we were taught.

If we were allowed to rebel against parental authority, our rate and degree of learning suffered, and we simply turned out to be a less responsible individual as a result.

But, regardless of the way you’ve been brought up, you can change! You can use your God-given mind to decide to change and become a more responsible person! And it all hinges on understanding that from now on you are going to learn, and learn to live by, those simple laws that, when obeyed, lead to a happy, healthy, abundant, exciting, enriching and rewarding life.

Paul, the apostle, talked about the simplicity that is in Christ (2 Corinthians 11:3). This society tends to complicate things. You want a set of beliefs? Pick one! they say. Pick one from the hodge-podge of ideas that make up the beliefs of this world’s multitude of religions, or the plethora of “value systems” offered by today’s behavioral gurus. Or, you could just seek “the simplicity that is in Christ,” and find out how your Creator lives His life, in tune with the laws that govern the universe.

Jesus Christ made the most mature and responsible decision ever made by man (John 15:13; Hebrews 10:10). That decision guarantees you a future—an eternal future! Jesus Christ decided to sacrifice His life that you might gain yours! That’s perfect, godly responsibility demonstrated in the extreme. And He did this in willing submission to the supreme authority over Him—His heavenly Father. As He contemplated the agonizing death awaiting Him, He simply said, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matthew 26:39).

His submission to His Father’s will guaranteed Him resurrection to inherit the universe—a reward literally out of this world! That’s the reward He wants to share with you: “He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son” (Revelation 21:7).

The way to seek, prepare for and attain that great reward is simple. You must decide to submit to those God-given laws which guarantee and promise a degree of happiness that can be gained no other way. “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous” (1 John 5:3).

So, you want some gentle advice from a grandfather? Simply start learning now to live by those commandments. Learn them, memorize them, repeat them over in your mind. Think on them and ask God for the help to start living your life by them.

You will never regret it. You will come to know the God-declared boundaries which our heavenly Father places on human behavior—that which defines just what a responsible adult is. Jesus Christ said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

These simple laws which God gave to mankind to guarantee a life full of abundance are listed in your Bible in Exodus 20:1-17. Look them up and see if there is one that will not guarantee abundant happiness when obeyed.

A much older and a far wiser man than I made this statement about the abundant life which those laws of God guarantee: “What is an abundant life? What is abundance? Here is the definition: ‘possessing an overflowing fullness.’ It means great plenty—great plenty of life and real living. It means exuberance. It means abounding. That’s the kind of life that Jesus Christ came to reveal that we could have” (Herbert W. Armstrong, “Personal,” Good News, December 1971).

Remember our definition of responsibility? “The ability … to make decisions.” The best decision you could make would be to start obeying God’s laws right now and learn to live this abundant way of life that Jesus Christ holds out to you. This world needs responsible youth who will mature into responsible adults. They are the kind of people who will be needed to help Jesus Christ put this world right. The job is on offer for you to become a co-savior with Jesus Christ, sharing in the task of rebuilding society (Isaiah 11:6-9).

You can start training for that job right now. All it takes is for you to make one independent decision—to start obeying God’s laws. That’s all it takes to start you out on the road to becoming truly responsible.