By Joel Hilliker

In a previous post we learned why we ought to be quiet under certain conditions. Let’s go over the formula for learning how to be quiet. Here’s the art of shutting up in four simple steps.

Step one: Admit it!

Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. The first thing you must do is catch yourself speaking up in a situation where you should have “zipped it.” Maybe you said something nasty about someone else, or found yourself running at the mouth in a conversation. Admit it!

Step two: Zip it!

In a similar situation, perhaps the same one, feel the power of withholding a comment you could make. You’re in a conversation; you detect “one of those thoughts” on your mind. Now, the test: Let it remain there! Don’t say it!

You will be amazed. This procedure is painless. In fact, I guarantee you will feel a certain sense of accomplishment. An image might flash through your head that you are a wise old chief who hears a matter and then just sits there, obviously deep in thought.

Step three: Talk, but keep it crisp

You can’t go around silent all the time. No, there is “a time to speak” as well. When you have something you know will be beneficial, go ahead—indulge. But remember: Keep it crisp.

The age-old advice in show business is this: “Know when to get off the stage.”

Larry King, who is known worldwide as a talk-show host on CNN, says that as a general rule, the more people there are in your conversational group, the briefer your contributions should be.

Step four: Listen!

Listen! When you’re being instructed—when you don’t know something about a subject—when you’re being corrected, listen!

In conversation, ask open-ended questions, and try with all your might not to interrupt. You’ll find yourself becoming genuinely interested in the other person, and it will become much less effortful to be quiet and let them talk. A man once said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.”

This is the culmination of the formula, because true listening enables you to become a more genuine and sincere person. Your desire to gossip about others will diminish. Your urges to exalt yourself will wane. Selfless sincerity in conversation is ultimately the surest formula for being able to effectively use silence. You may mess up the other points, but get this one right.

There you have it! A simple guide for discerning those situations where not honesty, but silence is the best policy. And you have a formula for putting the art of shutting up to use in your life. See if this doesn’t come to practical use on virtually a daily basis!

Practice the tool of silence, and believe it or not, it will help improve your speaking as well. You’ll already be in the habit of learning to control what comes out of your mouth. That is a major part of growing up. “The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips” (Proverbs 16:23).

But always remember that, sometimes, “to speak or not to speak”— that is the question.